Author Publishing Tips

Saying No To Domestic Violence & Breaking The Cycle Of Abuse

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Breaking The Cycle Of Domestic Abuse

“If he laid one finger on me I would walk!” How many times have you heard this, or a similar comment? Maybe you have said something similar yourself. It seems a given, that if the one human who should love you above all others, should inflict physical, or even psychological pain on you, that you would terminate the relationship and move on. Not so….. In reality, very few partners leave at the onset of abuse. Families live with domestic abuse for a significant period of time, and the abused will often return to the perpetrator after attempting to leave. In fact, on average victims’ experience abuse 50 times before accessing effective help to leave (SafeLives, 2015). There should be no doubt that saying no to domestic violence and breaking the cycle of abuse is extremely hard.

The nature of abuse, both in its gradual infiltration into a relationship, and in its invisibility, make action all the more difficult. Often abusers begin their relationships as the most caring and attentive partners, winning over family members, and maintaining a façade of a happy home. However, once the bonds of the relationship have grown tight, undercurrents of control and coercion grow into tidal waves, wreaking destruction upon both the victim and their family, notably children. So how does it work? What makes it so difficult to leave?

Psychologists often talk of ‘the cycle of abuse’, and it is just that. Although there are different types of abusers, the root nearly always comes back to one thing-power and control. To exert control, the perpetrator must show the victim the consequences of their failure to comply.

In the first instance, the abuser may feel wronged, ignored or neglected, sometimes as a result of unrealistic expectations. Some action, often innocent, on the part of the victim, makes the perpetrator feel threatened or upset. They then attempt to dominate the victim through verbal, physical, psychological or sexual abuse. At this point, the abuser may feel remorse or fear and attempt a reconciliation, nevertheless stressing that their actions were actually the fault of the victim due to their behaviour, lack of understanding, or failure to listen or obey. There follows a time of calm, in which the victim may psychologically ‘disassociate’ impacting their relationship with others, and also reducing the attention they are able to give their partner. The partner then feels ignored and neglected, and the cycle begins again……..

The impact on the victim is devastating. Many will tell you that physical injuries are the least of the damage, as they are gradually made to feel useless and worthless, isolated and unable to function. It is this that makes leaving all the more difficult. The disintegration of self-esteem and self-efficacy make the plethora of other difficulties surrounding leaving; such as lack of support, fear of financial implications, and social, cultural or religious beliefs, seem even more insurmountable, leaving the victim suspended in a cage of abuse.

However, many victims have found the strength to break free by identifying with others in the same situation who have already done so. Moreover, memoirs, life stories and poetry, written by those who have lived through abuse provide comfort both for those still in abusive relationships and those who have left them behind. If domestic abuse is allowed to remain hidden behind a veil of respectability, more victims and their children will suffer, and more lives will be lost. It is society’s collective duty to continue to bring this issue into the open, and support those who so desperately need help.

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin

Trusted Book Reviews

We work with both traditionally published and “indie” authors who have self or independently published books and our mission is simple. It’s to discover new and talented authors and help them give their work the attention and awareness it deserves. We do this by providing professional and credible reviews which are respected by our readers. Our primary focus is on fiction across all genres, non – fiction with broad appeal and selected poetry.

  • Over 8000 Book Reviews And Counting
  • All Book Genres Reviewed
  • Books Reviewed In 14 Days Or Less
  • The Only Book Review Site To Offer A Book Review Guarantee
Books About Domestic Partner Abuse

Domestic Partner Abuse -Lost in the Reflecting Pool

A memoir and a psychological love story that is at times tender and at times horrifying, Lost in the Reflecting Pool is a chronicle of one woman’s struggle to survive within—and ultimately break free of—a relationship with a man incapable of caring about anyone beyond himself.

Read More »

Publishing Tips For Authors & Recommended Book Reviews

Best Fantasy Romance
Book Reviews
Editorial Team

Holding Out For A Hero – A Fantasy Romance

Who says your boyfriend has to be human? Macy’s life changed forever when, as a child, her mother was murdered. The killers were never found, and Macy grew up looking for injustices and making them right. Then everything changed!

Read More »

Book Reviews That Readers Trust.

From humble beginnings in 2002 as a book review club BookViral has grown to become the first choice in book reviews for authors around the world and one of the biggest book review sites on the web. BookViral reaches millions of potential readers through best practice SEO and a trusted social media presence ensuring readers get unbiased, critical recommendations they can trust. 

BookViral also offers a full suite of author services, including, book editing services for unpublished and self-published authors, website design and bespoke SEO that help authors get discovered by more potential readers as well as industry influencers, such as publishers, agents and film executives. 

© Copyright 2019 BookViral Reviews. All Rights Reserved.